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oceanwaves57
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Name: Amanda
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Birthday: 10/31/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Going to concerts, being with my friends, reading, writing, art, and playing guitar and bass.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
11/3/2003
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But I'm not a slave to a god that doesnt exist. And I'm not a slave to a world that doesn't give a shit. -Marilyn Manson
What else can be said?
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| Well a lot has happend since I last wrote in here. Got in a big fight
with some friends.. lets call them rachel and michelle. But
anyway, I kind of patched things up with ... Michelle, but I dont know,
i feel weird talking to her now. Rachel on the other hand, she's
a different story. Everytime we get into little tiny fights we end up
not talking for months at a time, its happend about 3 times before. And
I wouldnt be surprised if this was the last time we ever fight,
meaning, our friendship has had its last straw. But whatever. I'm just
used to friends turning their backs on me now.
Ronald Reagen died, Ray Charles died, I wonder who's next? My father
went to DC to pay his respects, I wish I would have went. Well I will
edit this later, I'm tired.
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| Things are really confusing right now. The last week or so has gone by
so fast its all a blur. I had a lot to say but the more I think about
it the more I forget what I was going to say. My whole body has been
aching constantly and so it's hard for me to sleep. I can't wait
for summer, but it's hard for me to realize this school year is over
already.
One year of high school gone already. It went by so fast for me it
seems like yesterday I was going to football games, meeting new people,
and experiencing everything for the first time in high school.
Whatever. I don't reall care about what I experience in this high
school. I only care about some people here, and thats it. I mostly care
about Pittsburg, and how much I want to fucking live there. Hopefully I
can my junior year. As I think about my freshman year gone, I think
about the rest of my life. What will become of me? Will I follow my
dreams and move to Germany, or will I end up taking over the family
business? When will I get married, and how old will I be when I have
children? Hopefully I can raise my children in either Pittsburg
Kansas or either Dusseldof or Dredsen Germany. Anwyay, I'm
tired of writing.
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| I have so much to say. But I dont feel like saying any of it. I don't
feel like updating this. I feel like shit. I feel worthless right now.
I hate this. Last weekend was the best weekend I've had in so long, but
I dont feel like telling anyone what happend. Not that anyone cares.
Tonight I was talking to a friend and made me realize just how fat, and
just how ugly I really am. It hit me hard tonight and it felt like I
was falling down stairs face first. I guess without Justin things just
arent quite all there.
I talked to an old friend tonight. It was nice to talk to him but I
wasn't really purly happy to talk to him again. I didnt really like him
that much when I left but I forgot about about him pretty much,
and talking to him was like a slap in the face for some reason. He made
me see a lot of reality I hadnt faced in a month or so and it just got
hard to handle. So I decided to write in this.
Thats it.
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| So it's been awhile since I've posted. But I had some people tell me to
update, so I am. I dont really have anything to say. The good things
and the bad things kind of equaled eachother the past couple of
weeks. Kind of seemed like for every bad thing that happend
something good always came out of it. I talked on the phone for like 2
hours last night with Ashley and Matt, thats always fun. I just hope
the 3 way calling bill wont be like outragous.
I had 2 infant baby bunnies for a few days. One of them died and the
one I got really attached to, my dog got a hold of and it died too. I
was so pissed at Lady, I hit her so hard she is still avoiding me. I
never hit animals usually. I cried and cried, so my mom said I could
get a kitten. I'm looking forward to that. I buried the bunnies
in the back yard and somtimes I go out there and just sit by where I
buried him.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about my friendship with Ashley
M. I am so lucky to have her as a friend. She's been there for me
ever since I first moved to Kansas City and when she moved from
California. I was thinking a lot about 7th grade and how close we used
to be and then how gay we acted last year after christmas break. And
how we are just about as close as we were in 7th grade exept for that I
think Ashley W is still her closest friend. But I still love her, and
trust her more than anyone up here in KC. Well thats all I have to say.
Until next time...
Amanda
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